wedding dress wednesday

sunday, sunday.

i can't believe how busy i've been these past two weeks. hours picked up at work, i went through a little dilemma (or like 20), a 3 day long garage sale with j's family, and now i'm moving in with j this week. with this said, i have 3 days to do this because he's going out of town thursday, friday and saturday for family. i can't go (sadface) because i absolutely can't miss work because i suck at life and heaven forbid i miss two days of work and they'll cut my hours to 4 then that negative balance will keep growing and soon they bank will come and take me to sell me for all the money i owe them.

on a lighter note, i will be spending the rest of the day looking at pretty images, listening to music and cleaning j's shit up so i can put all my shit in, then cuddle on the couch as we watch the superbowl. just the kind of day i love.

elsewhere.

i haven't been writing lately due to my mind being in a different place. i'll be back next week with lots of new things and something about myself that you may laugh at. and see a lot of.

happy weekend!

because i know it's right.

it always starts the same; kissing, hugging. then it's harder kissing and hands start moving. one holds my back, the other tugs my hair. both hands on his face, i pull him closer.

clothes fall to the floor, we lay on the bed.

it's all pure bliss. we feel the love between us, everything we've worked for. i start letting my imagination wonder and think about the future. us, our future marriage, the children. i see you coming home from work to a house full of kids, so completely excited for you to be home. i see your family coming to see me in the hospital after giving birth. i see it all, and i wonder why.

i know the finish is coming soon, and it will be time for cuddling and falling asleep in the pure bliss. but another thought comes into my mind. how will this end?

i imagine myself pregnant and carrying your baby. it feels right, like right now right. come on, just let it slip, maybe the condom will break. we're at the climax, and its only moments away.

but of course, it doesn't happen that way. i feel a slight disappointment, and then comes reality. we have so much ahead for us, and so many things to see and expirenence before this. we're ready, but we're not ready and certain things need to come first. we have a life as the young couple and newlyweds to live.

and then, after it's all said and done, we come home to four children everyday. four children under the age of four. we basically already have kids.

lazyness is great.

I am the type of person that enjoys laying around and doing nothing on the weekends. this weekend was exactly that, being extremely relaxing for me. I didn't work out once, which was also kind of nice but now of course I'm regretting it slightly. why? might you ask? welllll it might be BECAUSE now I have to work extra hard since i'm GOING ON A frickinnnn CRUISE!!!!

yes my friends. j and I will be sailing our little hearts away to the Bahamas in June visiting a few islands. I am so excited since I have never been on a cruise before. maybe this means proposal? :)

so I must ask, what fun things have you done on a cruise and what would you suggest doing in the bahamas for excursions? help, help, help!

list number 1.

five things i wish i didn't love.

1. ranch. fat fat fat.

2. the real housewives of orange county. I REALLY WISH i could explain why i love this show, but i can't. :(

3. billy bob thorton. hah uhhhh this has gone down. don't fret.

4. mexican food.

5. erotic novels.

gym rants.

i've worked out in different gyms and i've noticed different things about each. the gym that i decided to work out in definitely has a problem with grunters. AGHHHH. grunters?! for some of you, you many not know what a gym grunter is and your lucky bitches. these are the grown men that feel the burning of their muscles is equivalent to getting laid, and need to express it with their noises. it's just an awkward situation all around. i dont need to hear that when all i'm trying to do is workout my butt. do you know how WEIRD it is that i'm squatting next to you, and your groaning? i can no longer squat due to you!

moving on.

now let me say i am no old man hater. i feel for them and i totally respect my elders, but i don't really want to chat with all the old men at the gym. of course i do because i fear for my life they're lonely. (it kills me when i'm in a restaurant and i see someone-especially over 50-eating by themselves) but now j calls me the old man gym whore. is it just me they're talking to? do i attract the elderly?

my biggest nightmare is an old man grunting. gross.

i claim to be something i'm not.

as i've been thinking more and more about this blog i've been wanting to make it more personal and different than i had originally planned. i made this blog to be a journal for my workouts and fitness goals, but i just don't have that much to say about it. sooo i've been thinking of what the name will change to once i make those goals, and how i'll transform this blog into what i want it to be. basically, changes will be made so don't just assume this is a health/fitness blog because i am most definitely nothing all health and fitness and probably the least from it.

i'm also not a writer so i probably shouldn't claim to be that either...

last night j and I did two videos of insanity and while it felt like hell and I thought at one point that I actually might freaking die it also felt really good. the first video was pure cardi and hard for me to keep up with. then miraculously I completely kept up with the second videos warm up and most of the workout part.

I feel really fucking good.

when love hurts.

last night i cried more than i have in months. i was sobbing. i finally had the talk with j about how i was feeling and how i was afraid for our relationship. i understand that things change as a relationship grows and progresses but the things that were changing were the things that meant the most to me. i wasn't getting kissed hello and goodbye. i wasn't getting cuddled before we fell asleep. he was grouchy and snappy to me. all the sweet things that were being said, turned into less sweet words. these may seem like selfish things, but i can't help but want them. i completely felt like i wasn't wanted at all and that's not a feeling you should have in a relationship.

it crossed my mind a few times that he was going through something and having a hard time. j is one of those closed off types, and he comes to me for what he needs help with, anything he does on his own. for some reason, i kept forgetting of that and jumped to conclusions that we were falling apart. i started getting the crazies, being bitchy, over-sensitive, and mad all the time. i knew it was time for me to do something about it.

i learned a lot about j last night, and relearned a few things about myself. i made rules for j and rules for me. we mended our love back together and after an hour and half of tears screaming and hugging, i felt a million times better.

i'm extremely glad that i've learned to work through this and not just give up. i could of walked away last night, not looking back and not asking questions. i know it's something i would of done before, but i know deep down somewhere, j might be mine forever.

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on other notes, worked out today and burned 536 calories at the gym! about to do two videos of insanity to try to catch up (j oddly thinks this is the best way to go about the situation) and then two tomorrow. i'll let you know tomorrow how it goes!