when love hurts.

last night i cried more than i have in months. i was sobbing. i finally had the talk with j about how i was feeling and how i was afraid for our relationship. i understand that things change as a relationship grows and progresses but the things that were changing were the things that meant the most to me. i wasn't getting kissed hello and goodbye. i wasn't getting cuddled before we fell asleep. he was grouchy and snappy to me. all the sweet things that were being said, turned into less sweet words. these may seem like selfish things, but i can't help but want them. i completely felt like i wasn't wanted at all and that's not a feeling you should have in a relationship.

it crossed my mind a few times that he was going through something and having a hard time. j is one of those closed off types, and he comes to me for what he needs help with, anything he does on his own. for some reason, i kept forgetting of that and jumped to conclusions that we were falling apart. i started getting the crazies, being bitchy, over-sensitive, and mad all the time. i knew it was time for me to do something about it.

i learned a lot about j last night, and relearned a few things about myself. i made rules for j and rules for me. we mended our love back together and after an hour and half of tears screaming and hugging, i felt a million times better.

i'm extremely glad that i've learned to work through this and not just give up. i could of walked away last night, not looking back and not asking questions. i know it's something i would of done before, but i know deep down somewhere, j might be mine forever.

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on other notes, worked out today and burned 536 calories at the gym! about to do two videos of insanity to try to catch up (j oddly thinks this is the best way to go about the situation) and then two tomorrow. i'll let you know tomorrow how it goes!